Breakfast Beef Burritos

Okay, you got me. More or less, I've been in charge around here for the past six years and we're better off for it. Listen, with the nimrod you people elected, somebody had to stand up and deliver and that person was me. Jesus Christ, can you imagine if the Cheer Captain had actually been in command for six years? The only things he would have mandated would have been national weekly holidays for 'Fart Joke Friday,' and replacing the Thanksgiving turkey with long lines of coke. I deserve a fucking medal, or something.

Here's what I want instead:

I promised, vaguely at best as I recall, that with the conclusion of this term, I would not run for president. Yes, I feel your palpable disappointment. It anguishes me, as well. We need someone, and that someone could be YOU, to start a 'Draft Dick 08' movement. The Republicans have a bunch of pussies running this cycle and the Dick could mop the floor with any of them. I just need to get on the ballot. Modesty prevents reneging on my pledge, but if there's a groundswell of Americans longing for Dick, who am I to say no.

Let Dick Cheney really run America for the next eight years and we'll get some shit done, my friends.

You want to dance, Hugo Chavez? Say 'hello' to my little friend.

What's that? France is unhappy? Here's a little something for your croissant, motherfucker.

'Draft Dick 08.'

It'll be a fucking golden age.

Our recipe today is for those who have been trying to get more beef in their diet, but are having difficulty finding more opportunities. Sure, we've all enjoyed beef for lunch and supper as well as the occassional jerkey treat, but breakfast has long neglected the beef option, relying instead on a stream of pork and pork by-products. Fuck that. Here's a little something to get your day started the right way.

Dick's Breakfast Beef Burritos

Ingredients:
8 ounces beef round tip center steaks, cut 1/8 to 1/4 inch thick
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup shredded Mexican cheese blend or jalapeño pepper cheese
1 tablespoon water
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Salt
2 medium flour tortillas (10-inch diameter), warmed
1/4 cup prepared salsa

Toppings: Sour cream, chopped fresh cilantro, additional prepared salsa (optional)

Instructions:

1. Combine eggs, cheese and water in small bowl. Spray large nonstick skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium-high heat until hot. Add egg mixture; cook and stir 1 to 2 minutes or until scrambled and just set. Set aside; keep warm.

2. Season beef steaks with pepper. Carefully wipe out skillet with paper towels, if necessary. Spray with cooking spray; heat over medium-high heat until hot. Add 1/2 of beef; cook 1/8-inch thick steaks 1 to 2 minutes (1/4-inch thick steaks 3 to 4 minutes) or until outside surface of beef is no longer pink. Do not overcook. Remove from skillet. Repeat with remaining beef. Season beef with salt, as desired.

3. Layer 1/2 of beef on each tortilla, leaving 1-1/2-inch border on right and left sides; top with 2 tablespoons salsa and 1/2 of eggs. Fold right and left sides of tortilla over filling. Fold bottom edge up over filling and roll up tightly. Serve with toppings, if desired.

Makes 2 servings.

Note: Despite this recipe, I am in no way condoning Mexico or a Mexican way of life. I strongly support building a bigger fence. - Dick