Mediterranean Braised Beef

War is hell, my friends.

I've seen it up close, heard it, smelled it, lived to tell about it.

It's not pretty, not for the faint of heart.

Bombs, blood, shrieking - Jesus, the horror. Despite wanting to race directly to my plane and get the fuck out of that god-forsaken hellhole, I pasted a placid demeanor on my face and continued my duties. Let me add that there was little delay in getting to the plane afterward, but we carried on as if no battle raged outside.

Never have I been more certain that five deferments during Vietnam were the right thing to do.

Carnage and death are not for the civilized.

Now, it's time to take my mind off such atrocities and offer this fabulous beef recipe.

As one of my fellow followers of the Dark Lord, William Rehnquist was a man with whom I spent a good deal of time. Sure, he took advantage of my "initiation" period that I spoke of previously, but we developed something of friendship that carried on over the years. Yes, he was a son of a bitch who would sodomize his dead grandmother's eye sockets if it meant a moment's adulation for him, but he could put out a mean piece of meat. He served the following on a getaway we had in the winter of '90 - fond memories.

Here's to you, Rehnny, you old cocksucker.

Wm Rehnquist's Mediterranean Braised Beef

Ingredients:

1 boneless beef chuck shoulder pot roast (2-1/2 to 3 pounds)
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
2 small onions, halved, sliced
4 medium shallots, sliced
1/4 cup chopped pitted dates
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon pepper

Instructions:

1. Heat oven to 325°F. Lightly coat beef pot roast with flour. Heat oil in Dutch oven over medium heat until hot. Brown pot roast; remove.
2. Add 1-1/2 cups water and vinegar to Dutch oven; cook and stir until brown bits attached to pan are dissolved. Return pot roast. Add onions, shallots, dates, salt and pepper; bring to a boil. Cover tightly and cook in 325°F oven 2 to 2-1/2 hours or until pot roast is fork-tender. Remove pot roast; keep warm.
3. Cook liquid and vegetables over medium-high heat to desired consistency. Carve pot roast. Serve with sauce.

Makes 6 to 8 servings.

Note: Despite what you may hear, I never cried out "Mommy" when the explosion occurred. I was calling out "More for me!" I invite the evil-doers to take a shot at Big Dick. For now, however, I relish the thought of sleeping back home in the bunker.