Mesquite Smoked Texas Brisket

Fucking Hungry Hungry Hippos.

I agreed to take on one of the grandkids a couple of weeks ago in a 'Hungry Hungry Hippo' match. Never played before, knew nothing about the game, perhaps went in unprepared for the frantic pace, expectations a bit too high. My three year old opponent, who, may I add, possesses a severe lack of focus (sort of like the Cheer Captain, maybe not as scatter-brained) gave rise to my short-lived optimism.

'Hungry Hungry Hippos' is a brutal, vicious game. Not one to back off a challenge, I gave it my all. Just as I pulled ahead with what I surmised to be the winning margin, the three year old begins taking the marbles from my hippo and putting them back into play. I explained the rules again and we restarted, but, again, he began taking my marbles and putting them back in play.

Now, some back story. My bum knee kept me out of most sporting activities as a youngster, so the keen edge provided by youthful competition eluded me. I never got the finesse lesson. The old lady says that I have trouble playing with others. Point taken, perhaps not accepted.

It soon became obvious to me that the youngster had no intentions of abiding by the rules. I cancelled the game by tossing it across the room. Tears, loud words, anguish - it wasn't pretty afterward, but if Dick Cheney shows weakness to a three year old, the emboldened enemies of this country would waste no time in their attack.

So, last night I got up to take a whiz (damn prostate) and stepped on a loose Hungry Hungry Hippo marble. Now I've got a stone bruise that hurts like a motherfucker.

Lesson: Fuck it, there is no lesson.

Today's recipe comes from an old friend.

I've hunted with Harry Whittington a time or two and believe him to be a decent man who knows a fine piece of beef and how to serve it. He served this delicious meat for lunch last winter on a hunting trip to Texas. I asked for the recipe a few times and was rebuffed - rudely, I felt. I've never told anybody this, but post- "accidental shooting," as he rolled on the ground moaning in pain, I knelt down beside him and said, "give me the recipe, motherfucker, or I finish the job right here."

From his thought-to-be dying words to you.

Enjoy the fucking beef.

Harry Whittington's Mesquite Smoked Texas Brisket

INGREDIENTS

8 pounds beef brisket
15 cloves garlic, peeled
1/4 cup Greek-style seasoning

DIRECTIONS

Make deep cuts into the brisket with a paring knife. Place cloves all the way into the cuts. Liberally sprinkle brisket with Greek seasoning.
Place mesquite wood over gray/hot charcoals.
Put brisket fat side down on the grill. Smoke for 2 hours and do not turn the meat.
Take the meat out and wrap tightly 2 times in extra heavy aluminum foil. Put in the oven for 2 hours on a cookie sheet at 250 degrees F.
Remove from oven and let sit (still wrapped in foil) 30 minutes to 1 hour before serving to let the meat "firm up" and the juice to be absorbed.

NOTE: I sent Harry a signed photograph later in apology. I suppose 'peppering' a man in the face with a shotgun blast for a brisket recipe could be considered overboard, but people should realize that Dick Cheney means business.

Hey, I like that, 'Dick Cheney Means Business.' I think we have a 'Draft Dick '08' slogan.

See, all things happen for a good reason, there's your lesson.