Wienerschnitzel

People keep asking me about "Scooter."

Apparently someone named "Scooter" worked in my office for a short time and committed some minor infraction for which I am now supposed to take the heat.

Bullshit.

I have heard the name "Scooter" mentioned, but I don't know the man - never met him in my life.

Why the hell should I be held responsible for his shortcomings?

There, how did that sound? Too over the top? Jesus, those motherfuckers bring down Scooter and all eyes turn to me. It's a high dosage day, let me tell you. I've fought off death no less than three times in the past week and now this. Cocksuckers. Well, Cheer Captain pardons Scooter when I give the word. For now, forgive my lack of frivolity.

Motherfuckers.

Today's recipe comes from America's Sweetheart.

I had dinner with Ann Coulter in the Spring of '02 and it was quite an eye-opening experience. I mistakenly considered myself the most vengeful, hateful person on the planet until dining with this dynamo. Let me tell you, she is a seething bag of hate, an evil cunt (assuming she is in some notion of the word, "female") but I'm glad she's on my side. Despite the vitriol, she sets out a marvelous piece of meat.

Enjoy the fucking beef in the knowledge that Scooter's going to be okay.

Ann Coulter's Wienerschnitzel

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 pounds veal cutlets
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
2 eggs
1 teaspoon minced parsley
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 pinch ground nutmeg
2 tablespoons milk
1 cup dry bread crumbs
6 tablespoons butter
4 slices lemon

DIRECTIONS

Place each veal cutlet between two pieces of plastic wrap, and pound with the flat side of a meat mallet until about 1/4 inch thick. Dip in flour to coat.

In a medium bowl, stir together the Parmesan cheese, eggs, parsley, salt, pepper, nutmeg and milk. Place bread crumbs on a plate. Dip each cutlet into the egg mixture, then press in the bread crumbs to coat. Place coated cutlets on a plate and refrigerate for 1 hour or overnight.

Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook the breaded cutlets until browned on each side, about 3 minutes per side.

Remove to a serving platter, and pour the pan juices over them. Garnish with lemon slices.